To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
