you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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