Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
farters have to be the big spoon...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He felt like a one man threesome
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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