Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
