it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
