I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
