Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
