I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
