Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize