Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
