After last night, I could never be a politician.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
