I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize