yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
