the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
