New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
