I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
