I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
