did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
