Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
