Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
