Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
