miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
