Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
