I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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