Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
