oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
