Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
