Will you blow on my dice?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
