Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
