I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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