Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
