How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
