apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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