the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
