Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
