you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
