I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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