New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
