i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
