If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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