the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
