I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
