we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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