if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
