what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
