shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Bring me that man meat
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
