JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
