I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
