so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
