Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
