I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
...so i touched it.
The best revenge is premature balding
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
A+ Viking dick
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