her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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