Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
