Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
