Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
