you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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