I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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