i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
