come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
