She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
