I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
