she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
