So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
